A note to self.

This post might start abruptly or end so or both.. i don't know ; I haven't planned how to go about this one like my other fashion posts and my thoughts never know how to behave anyway. I love you guys. I do. I did from the day I started my blog, but I have to be honest. There is a reason I never did such kind of posts. The personal ones. I am a Leo, and like every quintessential one , I like to believe I am very strong and I don't discuss the weak parts of me. Also like every quintessential Leo, I am super soft on the inside. I considered my blog totally professional not a space for me to discuss my feelings and parts of my life ,some very personal. But to see you guys believe in me and look upto me , we gradually became a family- A family I feel responsible to, I feel blessed to have and so here I am, penning down my journey. A part of it. A major life lesson part of it.

This post will be long, so I suggest you grab a cup of coffee and a tissue because some of you might get a littllllleeee teary eyed. No, this isn't a sad story, I don't do sad stories.. We are going to make this as inspirational as possible.

 I hope to  inspire people. I want someone to read this and say ' because of you , I didn't give up'

Dearest 2016,

Thankyou. I say thankyou to you on my behalf and on behalf of my e fam who is reading this not only because they love and support me but because they had found themselves in similar situations as I at some point last year .

Speaking for myself, I thank you for giving me the highest of my highs ( so far. Because 2017 has decided to beat you at it) and for making me experience heartbreak, stress, self doubt and sadness. Yes, I am stronger and better now. In a minute from now, those of you reading this will know what I mean and if at some point you can relate, promise me you'll make a note to self.

From here on, I shall address every sad emotion you and I went through as "a lesson " and every happy emotion " a blessing"

My 2016 journey so far....


" Here's to the night I stood alone, to the night I cried so hard I couldn't breathe, to the night I prayed for him to come back to me, and ofcourse to the night where he never looked back"

Heartbreak. I am sure even before starting, a lot of you must have guessed this one. And unlike until now, I am not shy talking about it. This lesson is personal yet so common. I remember asking my snapfam to screenshot which resolution they were going to adopt for 2017, and I got 384 screenshots to "move on from someone who left you behind".

Friend. Bestfriend. Family. Lover. Business Partner. No More. 2016 made a lot of people go through this emotion. 

It's a sad feeling. Helpless. I felt demotivated about work, didn't want to go out with friends, I wouldn't talk to my family. I wanted to be alone. As alone as it could get.

A heart filled with nothing but love, I wanted to go back, everytime into a space where there was no love for me. Growing up, I wasn't taught to give up . My dad taught me always always to be a fighter in all my career and  professional parts of life. And naturally so, I applied that rule in my personal one as well. If you aren't talking to your bestfriend anymore, or if the love of your life isn't next to you as you are reading  this, or if a near one from your family is no longer close by, then make a note with me.

 I am beautiful. I am deserving of the best kind of love , affection and care in the world. I am courageous to have loved another soul with my all heart, courage that not everyone has. Now, unlike always, I'd like to choose myself and my happiness. Over yours.

 

" She believed she could , so she did"

Success. A major blessing 2016 gave me. My blog is my baby and since the day I started out, I have ONLY seen it grow without any car breakdown, just minor speed breakers. But Had I ever imagined I would fly to New York to meet and interview Rihanna? HELL NO. Once, I was shortlisted for this opportunity, did I believe I could? HELL YES. 

 

The past year saw NM fam grow by leaps and bounds , I met so many of you. Believe me when I say this, the excitement in your eyes when you see me and the immense love with which you guys hug me, the happiness you get looking at the selfies we click, the " you are the best person in the world" , " I love you Niki di, you are a beautiful soul" , " you inspire me" messages you guys send me, BELIEVE ME WHEN I SAY THIS, it is sheer BLISS. 

You make me feel powerful, you give me purpose to do what I am doing.

Success doesn't only have to be about work. Being happy is being sucessful too. 2016 made me value my beautiful , absolutely beautiful family and friends who just want to see me smile. It gave me endless opportunities to hang out at the best of the best places with the best of the best people.

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I worked with the top brands of the world, met some really influential people, was invited to give speeches in colleges, gave interviews , was featured in the best magazines in the country, attended front row shows of the best designers in the country wearing their runway pieces, got to travel endlessly for work, the list is endless....... If 2016 gave you major success, make a note with me.

The harder I will work, the more lucky I'll get. I will never let success get to me. i will be humble, and I will continue to hustle.Hard.

"  I am a nobody. I am a failure. I am a loser. Everyone around me is doing so well, and me? I can't crack that exam. I don't have a decent job. This career is too offbeat, It can't support my living. I cant follow this dream, there is too much competition. "

Self doubt. Career crisis. Feeling lost with no idea which way to take your career forward. A lesson every one has faced, I am sure. Learned something from? Not so sure.

I am a fashion and travel blogger. A social media influencer , I like to say sometimes. The part of me everyone reading this knows. The part that people don't is that I also hold a masters degree in economics, I have topped every class since kindergarden to college, worked loosely with the London School of Economics and had a crazy corporate job in my kitty once I graduated. My point of telling you this wasn't to brag, but to tell you that behind all this success was hustle. I was used to being busy and constantly working hard all day. 

I used to blog along side college and it was going perfectly. My blog picked up , and i started getting alot of work. So when I decided to take up blogging as a full time profession, I didn't know what I was really getting into. As long as you are working for some brand and being paid for it, it's all merry. But there are times when there is no collaboration to work on. And like I said, I wasn't used to sitting idle.To create personal content daily requires a lot of motivation. Especially in a field like this, where you are mostly working from the comfort of your home, with laziness and procrastination seeping in time and again. Then there is self doubt. When you see someone else's work and achievements.

 

People consider this field so glamorous and fun. It sure is, but that's the reward for the endless stress and hard work that comes with it. There is no weekday or weekend for me. My work doesn't end at 5 pm. It goes on till 4 at night. My work doesn't start at 9 am. I have to wake up for shoots at 6. And if it's winters, then 8 maybe. But the chilly weather makes up for my 2 extra hours of sleep. It takes me one full day to shoot  a video, then another one to edit it. My mom is scolding me right now as I am hurriedly trying to craft this post because I haven't eaten anything in 8 hours working on this.  The pressure is real. There are 10000s of amazing bloggers out there, for god's sake we even have memes about this now. It's sad to see people look at this profession as something so easy and light. But I think carving your niche is tough. Making people love you for you is tough. Being inspired and creating new content is tough. Being so good that brands choose you is tough. It's almost frustrating. I am in a creative field. I can't tell myself "hey let's get through the day, let the clock strike 5 , we'll think about whatever's wrong in my personal space after that" .

Doesn't work like that. My profession constantly demands me to be happy, motivated, creative, working even when I don't want to.

Again, I am saying all this not to gain sympathy but so that you can relate to what I am about to say. So that if I tell you to make a note to self if you aren't able to crack that exam or get that job, then you will believe me because I am, like you, going through the same stress just in a different field. So that you don't think I cant understand your situation because I am not in it. I am.

 I am going to make you so so proud. Don't be too hard on yourself. Be around people who love you unconditionally and support you and don't push them away and yourself in a negative cocoon because they will make you realise your worth if for a second you have forgotten the same.

 

And most of all,

Make a note to self NM FAM: Trust the universe. Trust that 2017 will ONLY bring us endless blessings.

Love and always by your side,

Niki